She knew he would ultimately kill her,
All her family knew; it was inevitable,
And yet, as in a nightmarish dream,
She went through the motions of escape,
Escape by the only means she knew,
Escape through the means of divorce.
He told her he would never set her free,
“If I can’t have you, nobody will.”
So many men, in the midst of a divorce,
A separation, say this fatal sentence,
And always the threat is understood, feared’
Yet this man was different - he meant it.
She had tried, for years, to endure,
To make work a marriage not a marriage,
To live through his dominion over her,
Withering under his cruel accusations,
“Bitch, whore, slut, stupid, ignorant, cold”,
Words he threw at her, bringing down,
Destroying, the one he claimed to love,
Who kept trying to endure his demeaning,
His strange control over her, his jealousy,
Eating him night and day, bringing out,
As in a demon, this evil superintendence,
Over every waking hour of her life,
Enduring, or trying to, the violence,
Shrinking into shadows of her former self.
Self-esteem having long since deserted,
She was operating, now, on courage,
Born of last-chance, hollow desperation,
So hard for a young woman beaten down;
And she was young, only thirty-five,
Old for her age, though still beautiful,
Appearing a decade beyond her years,
Married fourteen years, chattel possessed,
By a man who did not understand love,
With three young, beautiful innocents,
Her children, caught up in the nightmare.
All she did now was for the innocents,
Her own life expendable, and expended,
Even while existence caused her heart,
Wounded, to continue to beat a cautious,
Uncertain and discordant rhythm,
Fearing and alone, even among family.
Yes, she knew, he would take her life,
It was only a matter of uncertain time -
Though she knew the hour was close;
Oh, the numbness of this deadly charade!
How absurd, how pathetic, hopeless,
Then the day comes, that last evil day,
When in his rage over loss of dominion,
He grabs her by the throat, choking her,
She breaks free, runs from the house and,
Oh glory, rescued, one precious moment,
Fleeing in the car of a passing Samaritan,
A woman with three children, stopping,
But he catches up to them, his pickup,
Speeding, crashing into her rear bumper,
Again and again, violently, crashing,
Chasing down the lonely rural highway,
Until the Samaritan loses control,
Rolling, over and over, into the ditch,
Coming to rest, no one seriously hurt;
All crawl from the wreckage, but there,
Menacing, with .357 Magnum in hand,
He stands, with Satanic countenance,
Telling the woman, “Run, or die now”,
And the Samaritan and children flee.
Now he turns to this wife, this property,
Who has dared to try to break her chains,
And he, in cold-blooded rage and anger,
Fires a bullet into her slender waist,
Ripping through her bowels, stinging,
Knocking her violently to the ground;
And even as she falls, the end so near,
The awful pain growing in her gut,
She yearns for life and freedom at last;
And it is coming, though not as wanted.
He walks over, standing above her,
Saying, one more time, “I told you”,
Ranting,“If I can’t have you, nobody will.”
As he points the pistol at her temple,
She knows her existence is finished,
And her thoughts turn to her children,
The precious objects of her short life,
And she mourns for their hurt and loss,
Just as the speeding bullet enters,
Shattering her skull, destroying her,
Ending her life as though a mongrel dog.
Then he puts the barrel into his mouth;
Not thinking of anyone, forsaking all,
He pulls the trigger one last fatal time.
As she looks down at her lifeless body,
With no pain, no sorrow, no loss,
She feels the freedom she so desired,
And turning away, she peers skyward,
And sees the Host of Angels who lead,
Pulling her upward, toward Heaven.
And we who remain, not understanding,
Confused, heart-broken over life lost,
Should not mourn for our Jennifer,
For she is in eternal glory, full of Joy;
Rather, let us mourn for her children,
Who, in a few brief moments of insanity,
Are left with no mother and no father,
Orphaned and alone, though relatives
And friends swarm lovingly about them.
Mourn not for Jennifer. She is at peace.
Mourn for the innocent children.
