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Musings on Faith #64 Abusive Relationships | |
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Dear Friends, I am taking a departure from my usual column this week, as the Lord has laid it upon my heart to address something that is so dreadful and so destructive that it cannot be ignored. In the course of my career as an attorney and a Judge, I have had five occasions to have to deal with the death, by murder and/or suicide, of persons going through a divorce. Two of those cases, involving a total of three deaths, have occurred within the past five weeks, the last taking both parents from three beautiful young children. I believe that many of these deaths could be avoided, and the time may come in your own life when you can help to prevent just such a tragedy. The most dangerous time in a woman’s life, statistically, is when she is going through a divorce or separation from a controlling husband or boyfriend. Men who are dominating, controlling, jealous, verbally abusive, and sometimes violent, can go into a panic mode when they feel their control over their significant other slipping away. Women need to be acutely aware of this fact. At the same time, such men need to be man enough to recognize those traits in themselves and seek help before a tragedy occurs. We, as Christians, need to be willing to address these situations, rather than turn our heads and pretend we don’t know what is going on. |
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And when we do see a relationship which has been controlling and abusive begin to break apart, we need to reach out to both parties, the man and the woman, in any way we can, to hopefully calm emotions and counsel peace. I could write a book on this subject, based solely on the cases I have observed over the past 34 years. Many such tragedies don’t end in death, but do end in grievous emotional wounds to both parents and children. And it is very difficult to tell which of those cases is headed toward murder and/or suicide. When the family unit is disintegrating, we should never dismiss the possibility of violence, and sometimes of violent death. Consider also who the most innocent and devastated victims are in those cases: the orphaned children. Pray for them. Women should be very cautious of entering into a serious relationship with a man who exhibits jealousy and a tendency to dominate them. And men, if you have these traits, please, face them, and seek counseling before you are faced with a break-up. Perhaps then a break-up can be avoided altogether. But if not, at least it can be a peaceful, though sad, life event. God will grant us ‘peace in the midst of the storm’, if only we can learn to turn to Him and let Him lead us through. Yours in Christ, Tom Woodard |
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