Musings on Faith #27
The Favor of Rebuke
"He who rebukes a man will in the end gain more favor than he who has a flattering tongue (Proverbs 28:23, NIV)." When Solomon wrote these words, he had obviously experienced this very thing. He had, no doubt, rebuked a man for doing or saying the wrong thing, or for traveling down the wrong path. No doubt the man was at least a little bit offended at the time. But then, at some later date, he approached the King to ask his advice or direction on some other subject, or perhaps just to tell Solomon that although put off by his words at the time, he now appreciated the "rebuke" and acknowledged the good it had done him. If this had not occurred at some point in Solomon’s life, he would never have realized the truth of this proverb.

When I was a Judge, several years ago, I had a young man, a teenager, before me in Juvenile Court, who was totally rebellious, to the extent that he was rejecting the proffered help of his own family and of the Court in a very offensive way. In the vernacular, he was acting "down-right sorry". Well, I suppose I rebuked that young man more severely than any other individual who ever appeared before me in all my years on the bench. I must admit that I "chewed him up". Imagine my surprise, then, when several years later he appeared in my law office and asked me to represent him in a case. I was dumbfounded! But then I realized what had brought him to me: He respected me for telling him what he needed to hear, and he trusted me because he knew I cared enough about him (mad as I was at the time) to say those harsh words of  rebuke. The trust engendered in him brought him to me when he needed help. The proverb was proved. "He who rebukes a man will in the end gain more favor than he who has a flattering tongue."

When we receive flattery or flowery praise, it generally does us no good, and in fact often causes us harm by causing us to become inflated or caught up in our own wisdom,

(continued)
which Solomon, in Ecclesiastes, equates to being a fool. I learned long ago to seek out constructive criticism - even sometimes rebuke - in order that I might learn from it and become a better person. It is just as important to have the integrity and the care and concern to rebuke, or give constructive criticism, to those about us, whether children, grandchildren, friends or co-workers, when it is needed. We do them no favors when we fail to address problems which are going to lead them to self-harm. Yes, they may get mad or offended at the time, but, unless they are a fool indeed, they will come to appreciate our genuine love and care for them, which led us to speak out and offer them guidance in a situation where it was much needed. They may never say "Thank you", though many will, but they will carry appreciation for your care in their hearts, as I do even now for those who, in times past and more recently, offered me needed rebuke.

Yours in Christ, Tom Woodard


A very dear friend of mine, Patsy Bailey, one of the sweetest people in the world and a wonderful Christian, wrote to me regarding Musings #27 as follows:
 
"I was always the mean one in my house. Bobby[Patsy's husband] was always so patient and kind. He would say to me "How did you get through to them?"I told him [the children] usually got mad at me, but they later thought about what I had said.

This young man was crying out for discipline and you were the one who gave it to him. My brother always said he wished he had had someone to care enough to 'tear his tail up'. Discipline is something you either have or you suffer from the lack of."

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