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Musings on Faith #6 When Two Will Become One | |
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I hear so often a husband or wife, when contemplating divorce, say "I still love her/him, but I'm not 'in love' with them." One of the things long since lost in this present age is the meaning of love. Marriage is not about "in love", but love. Jesus said ". . . a man will leave his father and mother and be united with his wife, and the two will become one flesh" (Matthew 19:5 NIV). I think that this is one of the most misunderstood verses in the Bible. We tend to think that at the instant of saying "I do", a man and woman are instantly "one". But the Scripture says "will become".
Becoming is the key. Becoming is a process, and it is a process which requires perseverance, patience, forbearing, understanding and forgiveness. What too often happens to couples in this hedonistic, instant gratification world is that they get caught up in the idea of love, and of being "in love". I have heard it said that "in love" is a form of insanity, and having heard this I reflected on it and decided that it is true. Young people, while in this state of insanity, decide to get married, thinking more about the wedding and the honeymoon than what comes after. It is a state of living in a fairy tale. Then, when the reality of daily life and the duties and responsibilities thereof, and the little differences they have which surprise and irritate them, and then the stresses of raising children, all come together, the "in love", |
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over time, wears off, and they begin to look over the fence at greener pastures. They have not "become" one, and they haven't worked to become one. Sometimes even little things like sharing household chores will lead them to divorce, sometimes infidelity, searching again for that "in love" feeling (which they will not find in adultery), and oftentimes financial difficulties. Whatever the superficial cause, the real cause is a lack of commitment and perseverance. Perseverance over many years will lead the two to become one. Recently someone said to me "I'd like to fall in love with the right girl, get married, and live happily ever after." I immediately told him that it is not about being "in love", but about love itself (see 1st Corinthians, Chapter 13 for the greatest definition of love ever written). A couple committed to one another, in good times and bad, storms and fair weather, sickness and health, prosperity and poverty, victory and defeat, come what may, and who will overlook one another's weaknesses and cherish their strengths, will, with the help of the Lord, and seeking His guidance in all things, will not ever come to the tragedy of divorce. Commit yourselves to one another, anew and afresh. [More on this next week.] Yours in Christ, Tom Woodard |
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